Thesis Challenge Results and Discussion
Collect Argument Exercise
And the winners of the thesis challenge are.......................
Mike and Kevin
Congratulations!
1. Although Scott Johnson make a strong claim in pointing out that smartphone users miss out on a lot of adventures, his argument about dumbphones is less convincing because he fails to show how smartphones can be used in a productive way. Furthermore, he fails to explore how dumbphones take as much time as smartphones.
Why you chose this thesis:
specific
well written
well organized
free of mechanical errors
clear, direct response to Johnson
A few (minor) changes to strengthen this thesis statement:
Although Scott Johnson makes a strong claim in pointing out that smartphone users miss out on a lot of adventures, his argument about dumbphones (identify exactly what this argument is) is less convincing because he fails to show how smartphones can be used in a productive way. Furthermore, he fails to explore how dumbphones take as much time as smartphones.
What one of the 3 ways to respond does this thesis use?
How many claims does it make? How many paragraphs would be find in this essay?
In "Why I Resist," an article published in Technology World in 2014, Scott Johnson writes,
"I have consciously opted out of the connected culture of the smartphone for a variety of reasons. Individuals who have smartphones miss out on a lot of adventure, waste a lot of time, and are plagued with more stress. Dumbphones allow individuals to be more productive and more thoughtful about how they spend their time. They also allow people to be "present"--to be entirely focused on and engaged with the real world instead of the screen."
From Roadmap to Essay
Structuring an essay from this thesis
Intro
- entice the reader
- bring in social/cultural context
- Introduce source and argument that you are responding to
- Thesis Statement (directly responding to argument--use one of the 3 ways to respond).
Practice:
How would you compose the first/second sentence of this essay (following the winning thesis statement)?
What would you write to start the introductory paragraph of this essay?
Give it a try.....
Some student examples
Sample first line for this essay:
In today's society, a lot of people have cell phones. You see people with them all the time.
What do you think?
Gripping?
Does it introduce the topic?
Let's try another one:
Cell phones have become such a major force in our lives insomuch as we have made a point to distinguish between the out-dated dumb phone and the advanced smartphone (topic is clearly introduced). The smartphone has become a sign of the times, and, for many Americans, it has also become a necessity and even a means of survival. As our phones continue to improve--as they become smarter and smarter--one would hope that Americans will follow suit--that, like the gadgets we carry with us--we will become smarter, more versatile, and more capable (Cultural/social context, exigence).
Next: Lead in to thesis statement
Fill in the next few sentences that would lead into the thesis.
Although Scott Johnson make a strong claim in pointing out that smartphone users miss out on a lot of adventures, his argument about dumbphones is less convincing because he fails to show how smartphones can be used in a productive way. Furthermore, he fails to explore how dumbphones take as much time as smartphones.
Lead in Example:
However, some individuals are skeptical about the extent to which smartphones are able to enhance our everyday lives. One such example of this criticism is presented by Scott Johnson in his article "Why I Resist," which was published in Technology World in 2014. Johnson has opted out of purchasing and using a smartphone because he argues that "individuals who have smartphones miss out on a lot of adventure, waste a lot of time, and are plagued with more stress." He insists that dumphones are the better option because they allow individuals to be more engaged with the real world around them. Although Scott Johnson make a strong claim in pointing out that smartphone users miss out on a lot of adventures, his argument about dumbphones is less convincing because he fails to show how smartphones can be used in a productive way. Furthermore, he fails to explore how dumbphones take as much time as smartphones.
Putting the intro all together (the entire intro paragraph):
Cell phones have become such a major force in our lives insomuch as we have made a point to distinguish between the out-dated dumb phone and the advanced smartphone. The smartphone has become a sign of the times, and, for many Americans, it has also become a necessity and even a means of survival. As our phones continue to improve--as they become smarter and smarter--one would hope that Americans will follow suit--that, like the gadgets we carry with us--we will become smarter, more versatile, and more capable. However, some individuals are skeptical about the extent to which smartphones are able to enhance our everyday lives. One such example of this criticism is presented by Scott Johnson in his article "Why I Resist," which was published in Technology World in 2014. Johnson has opted out of purchasing and using a smartphone because he argues that "individuals who have smartphones miss out on a lot of adventure, waste a lot of time, and are plagued with more stress." He insists that dumphones are the better option because they allow individuals to be more engaged with the real world around them. Although Scott Johnson make a strong claim in pointing out that smartphone users miss out on a lot of adventures, his argument about dumbphones is less convincing because he fails to show how smartphones can be used in a productive way. Furthermore, he fails to explore how dumbphones take as much time as smartphones.
Moving on from Intro:
Stop 1: Agree Scott Johnson makes a strong claim in pointing out that smartphone users miss out on a lot of adventures
Sample Topic Sentence:
What will go in this paragraph?
Stop 2: Disagree--he fails to show how smartphones can be used in a productive way.
Topic Sentence
What will we discuss here?
Keep Johnson's original argument in mind
Stop 3: Disagree--he fails to explore how dumbphones take as much time as smartphones.
Topic sentence
Johnson's argument
What will we talk about?
Conclusion
Thesis Challenge
As you read through the following thesis statements, evaluate the quality of each example. Include comments/edits/suggestions, and use the following questions in order to guide your evaluations:
- Is it free of mechanical/punctuation errors?
- Is it parallel?
- Is the argument clear?
- Does it provide a road map for a 2-page paper? (This means that it offers 2-3 specific claims and that each of these claims can be developed into one solid paragraph).
- Does it directly respond to Johnson’s claim? (It should use one of “The 3 Ways to Respond”)
- Is it contestable? Specific? Reasonable? Interpretative? Significant?
2. Scott Johnson may proved some valuable points in his article that individuals who has smartphones miss out on adventures, waste a lot of time, and causes more stress; however Johnson fails to implement that smartphones can easily find adventures, teaches individuals to manage his/her time, and provides personal space/time.
3. Although Scott Johnson’s point on smartphone consumption in “Why I Resist” is valid Johnson’s fails to acknowledge how age and environment play apart in an individual’s cell phone use.
4. Scott Johnson’s argument that smartphones waste alot of time is extremely useful because it sheds insight on how people are focused on all the wrong things. Such as social media sights and not being able to focus on the problems that are going on in the real world.
5. Scott Johnson is mistaken because he overlooks the fact that it doesn’t matter what type of phone you have that determines whether or not your productive. Also, Johnson is focused on smartphones making individuals unproductive. However, some people can use other factors such as, video games, television or computers.
6. Scott Johnson makes a valid point when he argues that smart phones bring more stress because having a smart phone make it very easy to bring work home with you. Johnson fails to acknowledge the fact that having a smartphones could be a stress reliever by allowing individuals to access many problems at any time.
7. Scott Johnson mention that smartphones prevent us from having adventures, but we disagree on that. We all have something to do other than playing with our smart phone and social media. What we do in our lives other than that is work, going outside, and enjoying being other face to face.
8. Although Scott Johnson makes a strong point about smart phones not allowing people to be “present”; he lacks the point of being virtually present.
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