Review Sentences from WWI/Review Discuss Student Sample and Rubric WWI Quiz

Bring complete draft of Essay I (typed in MLA format) to class for PRI

 

 

 

 

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Subject Verb Agreement: pages 256-257 (exercise 26.2)

 

Modifiers: Exercise 27.4 (page 260)

 

Unit 3 Test Part 2: 15-24

 

POV handout

Exercise 2: 1-5

Exercise #3 and #4

 

 

 

 

 

English 1180 Writing Workshop I Student Sample Sentences

 

I. Basic Sentence Structure: frag/cs/ro

 

1. During a time when hope was just a mere word.

 

Fragment

Follow rule: Dependent , Independent or Independent (no comma) dependent.

 

Douglass published his narrative during a time when hope was just a mere word.

During a time when hope was just a mere word, slaves could only dream about attaining knowledge.

 

2. Rather than a blessing because a blessing would mean in someone's favor or protection as in this case, Douglass was not.

 

Meaning is not clear

Start of sentence--Frag

 

Learning to read was a curse rather than a blessing because a blessing” tends to benefit an individual, and in Douglass’s situation, his access to knowledge did not initially provide him with any positive outcomes.

 

 

3. As a writer there are a lot of things i need to work on. Such as my run on sentences comma splices and awkward sentences.

 

Mis Mod--modifier "As a writer" should modify "I"

Second line is a fragment

 

Put it all together in a concise way:

As a writer, I need to work on run-ons, comma splices, and awkward sentences.

 

 

4. In today's day and age, a chance for learning is everywhere, though, so easily assessable a lot of individual's don't take full advantage of it.

 

CS--You cannot connect two complete sentences with just a comma

 

Today, individuals have multiple chances to learn and gain knowledge; however, many people do not fully take advantage of these opportunities.

 

5. Things were alot different back then compared to now, everything is social media and internet savy.

 

Vague—generalization

CS--follow the rule: Independent , Fan Boy (yet) Independent

In the mid nineteenth century, communication was limited to print and oral resources, yet today communication is dominated by internet exchanges and social media.

 

 

6. Lastly thinking, which in my case is a gift and curse either way it is something

that I can't go a day without doing and would like to think I am great at.

 

Fused sentence/run on

 

For me, thinking is both a gift and a curse; however, it is something that I can’t go a day without doing because I classify myself as a great thinker.

 

7. Sometimes, when I think I tend to over think and most of the time it is never a good thing but when the appropriate moment come, I am able to make the right decisions.

 

Redundant: When I think I tend to over think

The Rule: Two independent clauses with a Fan Boy

 

Sometimes, I tend to over think, and most of the time, this habit is not very productive. However, when the appropriate moments come, I am able to make the right decisions.

 

8. I do enjoy reading, when I was younger I enjoyed reading and getting read to.

 

CS

Repetitive

As a child, I enjoyed reading and getting read to, and today, I still enjoy reading.

 

9. When I was in my pre-visualization class here at macomb.

 

 

Dependent clause (can not stand alone as a sentence)

Proper nouns are capitalized

 

When I was in my pre-visualization class at Macomb Community College, I wrote a lot of essays.

Or

I wrote a lot of essays when I was in my pre-visualization class at Macomb Community College.

 

10. Sometimes reading a book can get boring and make me fall asleep, it just says to me that the book I'm reading doesn't interest me.

 

CS--two complete sentences here

Unclear: what is is the "it" that "says" something to you?

Sometimes when I read a book I get bored and fall asleep, and when this happens, I realize that I not engaged with the material.

 

11. However sometimes when I read out loud I read too fast and I don't understand what I just read so I have to go back and read it silently.

Run ON

comma after introductory word/phrase

 

However, sometimes when I read out loud, I read too fast. As a result, I don’t understand what I just read and therefore have to go back and silently reread the material.

 

12. Slave owners didn't teach teach slaves to read because they felt they weren't meant to be educated they was born to serve them.

 

Fused sentence

Subject/verb agreement

Pronoun clarity

 

Because slave owners thought of slaves as servants who should not be educated, slave owners did not teach their slaves to read .

 

13. My goals for this class are to apply the skills I already possess in reading, writing and thinking; as well as to improve in all three categories.

 

Semi colons connect 2 complete sentences

My goals for this class are to apply the skills I already possess in reading, writing and thinking as well as to improve in all three categories.

 

 

 

14. Whether I'm deciding what to wear for the day or which classes I should be taking in school to help me reach my end goal.

 

Fragment/dependent clause

The Rule: Dependent, Independent

Whether I'm deciding what to wear for the day or which classes I should be taking in school to help me reach my end goal, I spend a considerable amount to time thinking about my choices.

 

 

 

II. Modifiers

 

15. As a reader, the amount of reading I do is how long to cook my pizza rolls or the back of my cereal box.

 

The phrase “as a reader” should modify “I”…as it is written it modifies the word “amount” instead.

 

The extent of my reading is very limited, and I usually only read out of necessity, like when I have to figure out how long to cook my pizza rolls or out of boredom, like when I scan the back of my cereal box.

 

 

III. Issues with clarity, wordiness, and awkward sentence structure

 

16. Slavery was an era in history were the dominant race was white, and people of African descent were the ones that felt the wrath of extreme hard work, brutal disregard, and most of all they were denied the right to have an education.

 

When we refer to people, we use the pronoun "who" not "that"--the people were the ones WHO felt

the third part of this sentence is not part of the list/ make it stand alone

 

During the era of slavery in America, whites were the dominant race, and people of African descent felt the wrath of extreme hard work and brutal disregard. More so, slaves were denied the right of education.

 

 

17. His view of reading shaped by the rhetorical situation in 1845 was mostly talking about how he learned to read and write in the time that he lived in Master Hugh's family.

 

Awkward and unclear

This says that Douglass’s view was “talking about,” which does not make sense. A view does not “talk about” something. People do.

 

More importantly, we want to use stronger verbs (no “talks about”)

 

Furthermore, this statement says nothing about how Douglass’s perception (that learning to read and write was a curse) was shaped by the rhetorical situation—by the historical and cultural climate of 1845.

 

 

 

18. The life Frederick Douglass who wrote his autobiography of the "Life of Frederick Douglass, An American Slave" to bring out a message to his readers along with statement he made said, "I would at times feel that learning to read had been a curse rather than a blessing.

 

Read out loud: this says "the life Frederick Douglass"??? wrote the life of Frederick Douglass???

 

In the excerpt from The Life of Frederick Douglass, An American Slave, Frederick Douglass writes, “I would at times feel that learning to read had been a curse rather than a blessing.” Through this statement, Douglass suggests that….

 

19. For non-slaves discriminated against Douglass for knowing how to read believed that slaves shouldn't have that right and perhaps fear motivated those in power once educated it can't be taken away.

 

First part of sentence does not make sense…He was discriminated against because he was a black slave, not because he could read. Cut it.

 

Second part of sentence is missing subject…or it's oddly fused with the first part of the sentence.

 

Try this instead:

Slave owners prevented their slaves from learning to read because they were fearful that if slaves would acquired knowledge, they could also acquire power.

 

20. An they will also have different disadvantages as well, because lets face it as much as every one wants to be perfect nobody is.

“Let’s face it”—point of view--Let Us face it--unecessary first person, and this phrase it NOT FORMAL

 

They (identify who—students?) will also face many disadvantages because perfection is an unattainable goal. (Meaning in orgiginal is unclear...this is the best I could do)

 

 

21. All of my "A" papers I've written maybe two days before but more than likely the night before or even the morning on the day it was due. Then is when I knew that I had picked up a bad habit. Never the less, it worked just perfectly fine for me.

Wordy and Unclear

Try this instead:

 

I wrote all of my “A” papers the night before they were due or sometimes the very morning before I turned them in, and, as a result of this pattern, I knew that I had picked up a bad habit. Nevertheless, procrastination worked well for me.

 

 

22. My academic interest is definitely math. I think that because it is so straightforward and to the point, it comes more naturally to me.

 

Unclear pronoun

Unnecessary I—we know it’s what you think, no need to say “I think”

Repetition—“straightforward” and “to the point” say the same thing

 

More concise:

My academic interest is definitely math because it is straightforward and comes easily to me.

 

 

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thinking about the student sample essays in conjunction with the rubric for the assignment

 

 

Narrative Essay Rubric

 

 

 

 

MLA Style and Format 10

 

Introduction 10

(Entices the reader, sets tone/style, provides necessary background)

 

Foreshadowing
Hints of what is to come in the action of a play or a story.

 

Narrative Purpose: SO WHAT? 20

(Understands rhetorical situation and audience, offers an implied or implicit argument, uses a suitable genre and artistic appeals)

 

 

Descriptive Elements: SHOW. DON’T TELL. 15

(Uses sensory details that emphasize the purpose, personalizes your experience, recreates event)

 

 

 

Organization/Structure/Paragraph Development/Transitions 15

(Uses story-telling conventions or thematic threads to build the narrative)

Flashback
An interruption of a work's chronology to describe or present an incident that occurred prior to the main time frame of a work's action. Writers use flashbacks to complicate the sense of chronology in the plot of their works and to convey the richness of the experience of human time.

 

Mechanics: Clarity, Grammar, Syntax, Punctuation 20

 

 

 

Conclusion 5

(Reiterates purpose in a new, enlightening way/ creates a lasting impression)

 

 

Creativity/Readability/Title 5

 

 

100 total points