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Class 21 winter 2016

Page history last edited by Jane Asher 8 years, 1 month ago

 

 

Parallelism Worksheet 24A 

 "More Parallelism Practice"  

 

Thesis challenge cont.: Smartphones

 

Introduction and Outline: Smartphones

 

No Assignment


 


 

Parallelism Worksheet 24A 

 "More Parallelism Practice" 

 

 

 

As suggested by their name, correlative conjunctions correlate, working in pairs to join phrases or words that carry equal importance within a sentence. Like many of the most interesting parts of speech, correlative conjunctions are fun to use. At the same time, there are some important rules to remember for using them correctly.

 

 

When you use correlative conjunctions, be careful about parallel structure.

Either ... or, neither ... nor, and not only ... but also require special attention when you are proofreading for parallelism. Be sure that you have equal grammatical units after both parts of the conjunction.

 

You can have two main clauses like this:

Michael not only grilled a steak for Tiffany but also prepared a hot dog for Rocket, her dog.

 

not only grilled

but also prepared

 

 

 

Or you can shorten the sentence with two prepositional phrases:

 

Michael grilled meat not only for Tiffany but also for Rocket, her dog.

not only for Tiffany

but also for Rocket

 

Or you can have two nouns as this version does:

 

Michael grilled meat for not only Tiffany but also Rocket, her dog.

not only Tiffany
but also Rocket


Correlative Conjunctions

1.Both/and

Correct: She won gold medals from both the single and the group races.

both the single

and the group

 

Incorrect: She won both gold medals from the single and the group races.

both gold medals

and the group races

 

  • Both TV and television are correct words.

 

Both TV

and television

 

 

 

2.Either/or

  • I am fine with either Monday or Wednesday.

Either Monday

Or Wednesday

 

vs.

Incorrect: I am either fine with Monday or Wednesday.

Not Parallel

Either fine with Monday

Or  Wednesday

 

 

You try:

You either can have apples or pears.

 

What is the pair you are joining here with either or?

either_________

or____________

what is the correct placement of either or?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Correct:

 

  • You can have either apples or pears.

 

 

 

3.Neither/nor
He neither enjoys drinking or gambling.

What pair are you linking here?
neither________
nor ___________
Correct placement?







Correct:
  • He enjoys neither drinking nor gambling.
  • Neither you nor I will get off early today.

 

 

 

4.Not only/but also

  • Not only red but also green looks good on you.

 

 

 

She not only got the perfect score in English but also Math.

What pair are you joining here?

Not only__________

But also_____________ 

 

 

 

 

 

Correct:

  • She got the perfect score in not only English but also math.


 

 

Return your sample thesis statements.

 

 

 

In "Why I Resist," an article published in Technology World in 2014, Scott Johnson writes,

 

"It is alarming that the smartphone, much like Facebook, is now considered  a necessity for Americans especially in regard to their social lives; however,  I have consciously opted out of the connected culture of the smartphone for a variety of reasons. Individuals who have smartphones miss out on a lot of adventure, waste a lot of time, and are plagued with more stress. Dumbphones allow individuals to be more productive and more thoughtful about how they spend their time. They also allow people to be "present"--to be entirely focused on and engaged with the real world instead of the screen."

 


 

 

Sample Thesis:

I agree with Johnson's claim that identifies the smartphone as a social necessity to the extent that smartphones have certainly become integrated into daily lives of most people. However, in defining the smartphone as a "social necessity”—as a standard for all people—Johnson presents a universal generalization. He also fails to acknowledge that although smartphones play a prominent role in our social lives, there are plenty of other factors which develop our sense of sociality.

 

 

From Roadmap to Essay

 

Structuring an essay from this thesis

 

Intro

  • entice the reader
  • bring in social/cultural context
  • Introduce source and argument that you are responding to
  • Thesis Statement (directly responding to argument--use one of the 3 ways to respond).

 

Practice:

How would you compose the first/second sentence of this essay?

What would you write to start the introductory paragraph of this essay?

Give it a try.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sample first line for this essay:

 

Volunteer to share?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In today's society, a lot of people have cell phones. You see people with them all the time.

 

 

What do you think?

Gripping?

Does it introduce the topic?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let's try another one

Sample first few lines of position paper for this prompt:

      

    In 2015, cell phones have become such a major force in our lives insomuch as we have made a point to distinguish between the out-dated dumb phone and the advanced smartphone. The smartphone has become a sign of the times, and, thus, individuals who have upgraded their phone contracts have consequently also upgraded their lives.

 

specific topic

cultural context

 

What comes next after this opener in the intro? Can we just move into the thesis? Does this work? Is this introduction paragraph complete?

 

     In 2015, cell phones have become such a major force in our lives insomuch as we have made a point to distinguish between the out-dated dumb phone and the advanced smartphone. The smartphone has become a sign of the times, and, thus, individuals who have upgraded their phone contracts have consequently also upgraded their lives. I agree with Johnson's claim that identifies the smartphone as a social necessity to the extent that smartphones have certainly become integrated into daily lives of most people. However, in defining the smartphone as a "social necessity”—as a standard for all people—Johnson presents a universal generalization. He also fails to acknowledge that although smartphones play a prominent role in our social lives, there are plenty of other factors which develop our sense of sociality.

 

 

 

 

 

What is missing between the opener and the thesis?

 

 

 

 

 

Coherence

 

Next: Lead in to thesis statement

What do we need in that lead in to connect the ideas on this paragraph together?

 

You try:

Write a Lead in sentence or two

 

     In 2015, cell phones have become such a major force in our lives insomuch as we have made a point to distinguish between the out-dated dumb phone and the advanced smartphone. The smartphone has become a sign of the times, and, thus, individuals who have upgraded their phone contracts have consequently also upgraded their lives. (your LEAD in SENTENCE(S) HERE) I agree with Johnson's claim that identifies the smartphone as a social necessity to the extent that smartphones have certainly become integrated into daily lives of most people. However, in defining the smartphone as a "social necessity”—as a standard for all people—Johnson presents a universal generalization. He also fails to acknowledge that although smartphones play a prominent role in our social lives, there are plenty of other factors which develop our sense of sociality.

 

 

Fill in the next few sentences that would lead into the thesis.

 

 

 

 

Lead in Example:

 The smartphone owner is the most cutting-edge citizen and up-to-date socialite, and much like Scott Johnson claims in “Why I Resist” published inTechnology Worldin 2014, our sociality seems to be dependent on the smartphone upgrade.

 

 

 

Putting the intro all together (the entire intro paragraph):

 

      In 2015, cell phones have become such a major force in our lives insomuch as we have made a point to distinguish between the out-dated dumb phone and the advanced smartphone. The smartphone has become a sign of the times, and, thus, individuals who have upgraded their phone contracts have consequently also upgraded their lives. The smartphone owner is the most cutting-edge citizen and up-to-date socialite, and much like Scott Johnson claims in “Why I Resist” published in Technology World in 2014, our sociality seems to be dependent on the smartphone upgrade. I agree with Johnson's claim that identifies the smartphone as a social necessity to the extent that smartphones have certainly become integrated into daily lives of most people. However, in defining the smartphone as a "social necessity”—as a standard for all people—Johnson presents a universal generalization. He also fails to acknowledge that although smartphones play a prominent role in our social lives, there are plenty of other factors which develop our sense of sociality. The smartphone may very well be one important social provision, but it is not the only means by which we assert our connection with the world around us. We need more than a smartphone to be productive, informed, and social members of our community.

 

 

 

  

 

Using this sample introduction and thesis statement, develop an outline that you could use to develop a 2-3 page position paper.

 

Following the order of the topics listed, identify each mini claim and determine at least 2 examples you will use in each paragraph in order to support each part of the thesis.

 

Body Paragraph 1

Claim? (hint: follow first claim in thesis)

Ideas/examples and analysis to support

 

Body Paragraph 2

Claim?

Ideas/examples and analysis to support

 

Body Paragraph 3

Claim?

Ideas/examples and analysis to support

 

Conclusion

Ideas that you will include in order to reiterate your argument in a new way

Determining a way to come full circle (link back to intro)

Keep your readers thinking off the page


 

 

Return/Discuss Essay III

Grades and Revisions

 

Revisions of Essay III are due on or before Thursday, May 12 (last day of class).

 

Revision Instructions

( 76% or lower).

 

You will want to carefully weigh your decision to revise. 

 

If you decide that you want to revise and resubmit your essay for a new grade, you must send me an email by Wednesday. In that email, you must

1) indicate your desire to revise your essay

2) briefly explain the major issues with your essay and what grade you received

 

Once I receive your email request, I will contact you with revision instructions and schedule a revision appointment with you.  

 

You should only seek to revise your essay  if you are genuinely committed to the PROCESS entailed in writing a revision. The process is purposely designed to be rigorous in order to ensure that students dedicate a substantial amount of time and effort into rewriting their essays. If you received under a 76% on your essay, you most likely encountered major issues with regard to both mechanics and content. That means that writing a revision will require a significant amount of rewriting, restructuring, and editing. In other words, a successful revision will entail much more than just editing a few sentences or adding a couple of lines.

 

 

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