Thesis Challenge: Cast your Ballots
Thesis Challenge Student Sentences
Return and Discuss Essay III: Revisions of Essay III are due on or before Thursday, December 17.
No Assignment for Thursday
Thesis Challenge
As you read through the following thesis statements, evaluate the quality of each example. Include comments/edits/suggestions, and use the following questions in order to guide your evaluations:
- Is it free of mechanical/punctuation errors?
- Is it parallel?
- Is the argument clear?
- Does it provide a road map for a 2-page paper? (This means that it offers 2-3 specific claims and that each of these claims can be developed into one solid paragraph).
- Does it directly respond to Johnson’s claim? (It should use one of “The 3 Ways to Respond”)
- Is it contestable? Specific? Reasonable? Interpretative? Significant?
- Although there is some truth when Scott Johnson claims that smartphone users will be “plagued with stress” in his artical “Why I Resist”, he fails to realize that not everyone will have stress, and if they do, it can be responsibly managed.
- I agree with Scott Johnson’s point about dumbphones because it allow you to gain great experiences and adventures and remain present at all times. I cannot accept his overall conclusion though that smartphones are stressful and a complete waste of time. You can connect with distance people through social media. You can get to your exact destination.
- In “Why I Resist” (2014), Scott Johnson makes a valid point that smartphone users waste their time by always being engaged in their phone screen; however, I have difficulting accepting Johnson’s claim that smartphone users miss out on a adventure because of how easy it is to contact friends, to post a status update, to use the available navigation apps, and to just get together with pals and go. Furthermore, Johnson neglects to acknowledge how smartphones continue to make daily life more convenient by allowing users to instantly complete task at the swipe of a screen.
- Although I disagree with Johnsons point about missing out on an adventure because of the distraction of a smartphone, his overall argument is valid because smartphones can be a waste of time and can be extremely stressful.
- Although I agree with Scott Johnson’s point about dumbphones allowing people to be more engaged with the real world then their screen because most people today seclude themselves from the real world playing games and checking social media on a constant basis. I cannot accept Johnson’s overall conclusion that dumbphones allow individuals to be more productive and more thoughtful about their time because not all smartphone users are being productive. Some smartphone users use their smartphones to access information that may help them be more productive and can make people be more thoughtful about their time.
- In “Why I resist” written by Scott Johnson, be believes smart phones have disconnected individuals from the real world. Although Johnson makes a valid point about smart phones being a waste of time, his argument about getting more stressful is less convinces because depending on ones situation could cause more stress. However, he fails to indivivdualize these issues which makes his claim hard to complete agree.
- Although I agree with Scott Johnson’s point about smartphones causing people to miss out on adventures because there is so many apps on it, I cannot accept his overall conclusion that smartphones are a waste of time because they can be useful for many resources such as communications, entertainment, and organization.
In "Why I Resist," an article published in Technology World in 2014, Scott Johnson writes,
"I have consciously opted out of the connected culture of the smartphone for a variety of reasons. Individuals who have smartphones miss out on a lot of adventure, waste a lot of time, and are plagued with more stress. Dumbphones allow individuals to be more productive and more thoughtful about how they spend their time. They also allow people to be "present"--to be entirely focused on and engaged with the real world instead of the screen."
Sample Thesis:
I agree with Johnson's claim that identifies the smartphone as a social necessity to the extent that smartphones have certainly become integrated into daily lives of most people. However, in defining the smartphone as a "social necessity”—as a standard for all people—Johnson presents a universal generalization. He also fails to acknowledge that although smartphones play a prominent role in our social lives, there are plenty of other factors which develop our sense of sociality.
From Roadmap to Essay
Structuring an essay from this thesis
Intro
- entice the reader
- bring in social/cultural context
- Introduce source and argument that you are responding to
- Thesis Statement (directly responding to argument--use one of the 3 ways to respond).
Practice:
How would you compose the first/second sentence of this essay?
What would you write to start the introductory paragraph of this essay?
Give it a try.....
Sample first line for this essay:
Volunteer to share?
In today's society, a lot of people have cell phones. You see people with them all the time.
What do you think?
Gripping?
Does it introduce the topic?
Let's try another one
Sample first few lines of position paper for this prompt:
In 2015, cell phones have become such a major force in our lives insomuch as we have made a point to distinguish between the out-dated dumb phone and the advanced smartphone. The smartphone has become a sign of the times, and, thus, individuals who have upgraded their phone contracts have consequently also upgraded their lives.
specific topic
cultural context
What comes next after this opener in the intro? Can we just move into the thesis? Does this work? Is this introduction paragraph complete?
In 2015, cell phones have become such a major force in our lives insomuch as we have made a point to distinguish between the out-dated dumb phone and the advanced smartphone. The smartphone has become a sign of the times, and, thus, individuals who have upgraded their phone contracts have consequently also upgraded their lives. I agree with Johnson's claim that identifies the smartphone as a social necessity to the extent that smartphones have certainly become integrated into daily lives of most people. However, in defining the smartphone as a "social necessity”—as a standard for all people—Johnson presents a universal generalization. He also fails to acknowledge that although smartphones play a prominent role in our social lives, there are plenty of other factors which develop our sense of sociality.
What is missing between the opener and the thesis?
Coherence
Next: Lead in to thesis statement
What do we need in that lead in to connect the ideas on this paragraph together?
You try:
Write a Lead in sentence or two
In 2015, cell phones have become such a major force in our lives insomuch as we have made a point to distinguish between the out-dated dumb phone and the advanced smartphone. The smartphone has become a sign of the times, and, thus, individuals who have upgraded their phone contracts have consequently also upgraded their lives. (your LEAD in SENTENCE(S) HERE) I agree with Johnson's claim that identifies the smartphone as a social necessity to the extent that smartphones have certainly become integrated into daily lives of most people. However, in defining the smartphone as a "social necessity”—as a standard for all people—Johnson presents a universal generalization. He also fails to acknowledge that although smartphones play a prominent role in our social lives, there are plenty of other factors which develop our sense of sociality.
Fill in the next few sentences that would lead into the thesis.
Lead in Example:
The smartphone owner is the most cutting-edge citizen and up-to-date socialite, and much like Scott Johnson claims in “Why I Resist” published in Technology Worldin 2014, our sociality seems to be dependent on the smartphone upgrade.
Putting the intro all together (the entire intro paragraph):
In 2015, cell phones have become such a major force in our lives insomuch as we have made a point to distinguish between the out-dated dumb phone and the advanced smartphone. The smartphone has become a sign of the times, and, thus, individuals who have upgraded their phone contracts have consequently also upgraded their lives. The smartphone owner is the most cutting-edge citizen and up-to-date socialite, and much like Scott Johnson claims in “Why I Resist” published in Technology Worldin 2014, our sociality seems to be dependent on the smartphone upgrade. I agree with Johnson's claim that identifies the smartphone as a social necessity to the extent that smartphones have certainly become integrated into daily lives of most people. However, in defining the smartphone as a "social necessity”—as a standard for all people—Johnson presents a universal generalization. He also fails to acknowledge that although smartphones play a prominent role in our social lives, there are plenty of other factors which develop our sense of sociality. The smartphone may very well be one important social provision, but it is not the only means by which we assert our connection with the world around us. We need more than a smartphone to be productive, informed, and social members of our community.
Using this sample introduction and thesis statement, develop an outline that you could use to develop a 2-3 page position paper.
Following the order of the topics listed, identify each mini claim and determine at least 2 examples you will use in each paragraph in order to support each part of the thesis.
Body Paragraph 1
Claim? (hint: follow first claim in thesis)
Ideas/examples and analysis to support
Body Paragraph 2
Claim?
Ideas/examples and analysis to support
Body Paragraph 3
Claim?
Ideas/examples and analysis to support
Conclusion
Ideas that you will include in order to reiterate your argument in a new way
Determining a way to come full circle (link back to intro)
Keep your readers thinking off the page
Return and discuss Essay III
check current grades
Comments (0)
You don't have permission to comment on this page.